Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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