i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
