Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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