it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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