omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
