lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
