hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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