He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
