i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize