So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
