I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
