i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
