I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
