What did we do last night that was yellow?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize