im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
