I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
