We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
