someone threw a dead crab at me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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