how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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