if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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