my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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