cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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