Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
