there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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