I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
