Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
