I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
