I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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