It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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