did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
