im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
