Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
