I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
