I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
