i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
