Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
