she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
