i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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