Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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