I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
PANTIES FOUND
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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