I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
