I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
