I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
