That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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