Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
