i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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