You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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