Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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