??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
