mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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