Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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