i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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