It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We had to coat check the pizza.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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