dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
