we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
