I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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