he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize