I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
