i may or may not be watching the land before time
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Randomize
