If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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