Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
