So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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