i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
