I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
