I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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