I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
