when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
