Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
