Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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