The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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