your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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