I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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