i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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