So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
