How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
