i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
