We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
