We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's official drugs can't kill me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
