I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
