hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
