So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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