She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
