rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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