Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
