and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
