Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
