I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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