speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I showed him my bush... on skype.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
