so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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