That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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