Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
