tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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