Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
