I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
