i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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