so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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