Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
