I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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