Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
