omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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