I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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