O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
