he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
